All To Jesus Christ ... (Part 1)

... Through His Mother's Heart πŸ’™


Hello!

Yet again, we are celebrating another Mother's Day today, the 10th of May 2020. I have lost count of the number of Mother's day(s) we have in a year! πŸ˜‚ Maybe, its to show the importance of mothers in our society, after all, Nature is referred to as Mother Nature. 😏

So, in the spirit of Mother's Day, I'd like to share my experience with a certain Mother; Mother Mary - The Mother of God the Son - Jesus Christ.

I am not looking to convince you about my beliefs in the Catholic Faith and Mother Mary, I am simply sharing my experience & thoughts with you about an out-of-this-world Motherly tenderness that is so real that I cannot ignore nor keep shut about. So if I may say, read at your own expense.πŸ˜‰

My First Encounter with Her


Our Lady of the Holy Rosary (source: Pinterest)
I grew up in a Catholic home where my mum was & is still, very devoted to the Catholic faith. I even attended a Catholic primary school - Our Lady of the Apostles, and so one would think that by default, I should have just gone with the flow of the Catholic tradition. For some time, everything I did was done out of compulsion, from a place of 'I have to do this and that or else I'd get punished'. As I grew up, I became curious but I was afraid to ask questions. To me, at that age (below 15), asking questions especially about the faith felt like I'd be perceived as one who was gradually getting possessed or rebellious. πŸ˜…

At the age of 17, as I struggled with those unanswered questions in my heart, I developed a need for a miracle (gist for another day). This miracle was needed as my sanity was greatly threatened. I remember kneeling down to pray and not knowing what to do. I was a communicant at that age and, so I was already familiar with the prayers of the Rosary. I remember reciting the prayers with a desperate heart. As I was tormented by the ancient accuser of all men - the devil, I held onto the Rosary as though my life depended on it. 

I recall attending Holy Mass that Sunday, and in it, I had offered my communion to God asking that He grant my request. I went back home afterwards and still felt anxious. The doubts began to roll in like before; Would God answer me? or is He too busy with others?. I've not been a good girl so He probably wouldn't even listen to me.  I was back on my knees again with the Rosary. A few moments to the end of the prayers, my room felt oddly cool (It was a hot day). At that exact moment, I felt some warmth run down my spine as though I was under a deliciously warm shower after a stressful day. As the warmth engulfed my soul, It felt as though I had at the same time, consumed a mixture of warm milk and honey. I immediately felt a sense of peace that I cannot explain and then I fell asleep. I woke up feeling light as air and when I gained my consciousness,  I witnessed the miracle I had been asking for.

The Wandering Child

One would think that after that experience, I would always hold onto the Rosary and believe in the powerful intercession of the Blessed Mary. Right? 😏On the contrary, I did the exact opposite of what you'd expect - I ignored the Rosary. I had gotten what I wanted and like it is with many of us, I moved on and forgot the experience. Over time, praying the rosary became one of the most difficult prayers for me. It felt oddly long and boring. If I couldn't sleep at night, I would take it out and as soon as I had started with the creed (opening prayers), I was already yawning. πŸ˜… At some point, the Rosary was just a symbol of Catholicism to me.  

In my university days, I attended a Seventh-day Adventist school where I had to learn about their beliefs. I found myself agreeing with most of them and the idea of becoming one of them wasn't so far fetched to me. I also had friends/roommates who attended pentecostal churches in and after school days as well. They would invite me to attend their service programmes and I mostly honoured these invitations. As I went to these churches, even though I may like the style of the preacher, I would often find myself wanting to attend Holy Mass. I was a confirmed Catholic (who had gone through the Sacrament of Confirmation) but yet, I felt there was something missing. 

Down the line (towards by mid 20(s), I dated a man of the Islamic faith and at that moment, being a Muslim was looking so possible to me. Back then, I justified my thoughts with the mindset that as long as you have a good heart, and you treated your neighbour fairly, then God would be happy.  I ended up being a mess with regards to my Faith. I had become a basket full of uncertainty and questions.

Please do not misunderstand me, I do not condemn any faith/religion here.  The various belief systems are man's different ways of seeking his Creator. 

Mercy Found Me

The struggle with my faith was so real. I believed in Jesus Christ, in the Holy Trinity, I read the bible but why did Jesus feel so far away to reach. I knew He loved me (enough to die on the Cross for me), but it felt as though His standards were just too 'too' high. 

At the age of 28, I recall attending my adopted Parish's Life in the Spirit Seminar (LISS). Life and my career had brought me to Lagos and the Lord had given me a home not too far from the Catholic Church of Divine Mercy, Lekki. This seminar which runs for about 9 weeks on a yearly basis, focuses on the awakening of the Holy Spirit & His Gifts within us. I went through it and ended up becoming a Charismatic Catholic, drafted into the Teaching Ministry. 
While most of my mates were asking for other visible gifts such as speaking in tongues and working miracles, your homegirl here was asking for the gifts of Wisdom & Knowledge. I didn't care really about miracles, I was more drawn to knowing more about God, to get to understand Him a little more so I could make Him happy

I asked, and He was faithful to Give. 
In my desire to get to know Him more, He granted me the Grace to start the journey to discovering Him, with a renewed Spirit.

A Redirection

A year later, I began to feel unsettled again. I attended fellowship, I learned a lot from senior teachers in the Faith, I experienced miracles upon miracles as a result of the manifestations of the Holy Spirit (God), but yet I was still unsettled. I had even been given the honour to serve as a facilitator in the following year's LISS. I had been so graciously gifted by the Holy Spirit, with another gift (which I didn't even ask for), but yet, something felt off. It got to a point where I felt stressed in my pursuit of God. I recall sharing some of my struggles with the Priest, and whenever they referred me to prayers, they would tell me to pray the Rosary, but I won't.

Here I was, a Catholic (born on a Marian feast day - the Assumption) in the Charismatic renewal ministry, finding it extremely difficult to pray the Rosary. I struggled so hard as I found it 'irrelevant' to my pursuit of God. I have the Holy Spirit within me, so why do I need to say a bunch of Hail Mary(s)? Why do I even need to approach Mary? Why do we Catholics even honour Her? These questions came up in my heart ever so often, and I couldn't get reasonable answers. It didn't even help when I would see some of my catholic brothers and sisters, acting as though they were worshipping Her! I became almost determined to write all that had to do with Her off my list of spiritual activities. I was a catholic that questioned the existence of Mary's role in the Faith and redemption of Mankind. 

As I grew in the knowledge of God's Mercy and guidance, I decided to take this struggle to Him saying; "Lord, please show/teach me the truth about Mary". I moved from condemning the act of praying the Rosary, to seeking the truth behind it. And as always, God answered in the most unexpected way ever.

One faithful Wednesday evening, after work, I made my way to church in a bid to attend a youth-focused meeting. I entered the venue where we had always met and took a seat. I believe I was in autopilot mode as it took me a while (a little too long than normal) to realise that I wasn't surrounded with familiar faces. Later on, I found out that I had walked into a class known as - Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary. I chuckled as I asked myself how I walked myself into that room. My immediate reaction to that realisation was to leave the room, but something kept me glued to my seat. I was intrigued by what the teacher was saying. I stayed till the end of that session and was invited to register my name since it was my first day in the class. I was sceptic at first but when I asked what the aim of the class was, the response I got was to know more about True devotion to Mary. Then I heard clearly within my spirit 'You asked to know about Her didn't you?'. I kept still as it was also made known to me that I had come in exactly on the last day of acceptance into the class which was to run for 33 days.

An Introduction to Her

As I went home, I felt puzzled but I was also excited, as the manner in which the co-ordinator taught was different from what I was familiar with. He didn't teach as though he was forcing his way of life on us, nor was he was looking to please anyone. He taught with facts (both Scriptural and Historical) and my spirit resonated with the truths he spoke. He shared the formula of the class which was the preparatory journey to a consecrated life - that which seeks to lead us all to union with God:
  • Knowledge of Self
  • Knowledge of Mary
  • Knowledge of Jesus
I was, and I am certain I was led by God into this class as I sought the truth concerning one of the most misunderstood mysteries of the Catholic Faith. This class prepared me for the consecrated life - a life which I can boldly say has opened my heart to the very possibility of becoming a Saint regardless of my past. 

In my next post (Part 2), I'd share more about Her from my experiences on this path. There are many scholars out there and publications on the Marian devotion. I am not a scholar, I am still on the journey with Her and I am far from being a devote child of Hers. However, I would attempt to address some of the misunderstandings about Her, one of many questions such as 'Why go through Her?'.

Please note again, that this post does not in any way intend to force my beliefs on you nor condemn your path. This is simply a sharing of what I have learned and experienced in the path I have been called to walk on in my little affair with God Almighty. 😊

Till then ...

May the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, reign in our hearts and may the souls of all the faithful departed, rest in perfect peace, Amen.

#Shalom πŸ’™

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Comments

Interesting... can't wait for the next chapter or episode or is it part two? I'm already thinking of how I'm going to add this to my homily... you're truly gifted and favoured. Please keep it up
Unknown said…
I almost didn't want to read but curiosity kept me glued till the end. Very interesting. Looking forward for the second part. God bless u sis!
AyoMaria Evbuomwan said…
Quite an interesting testimony. I rejoice with you and can't wait to read what follows. May mercy continue to find us all. Amen

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